Archive for June, 2009

Weekend was great. Just about all of my close friends (myself included) went either with me or other groups to Minnesota Pride (GLBT festival), which was alot more… normal? than I expected.

I was talking with Tyler about the idea and details of the Pride festival. We covered alot of different topics, but the spirit of the conversation was the realization that while most people learn about and associate with people which are similar to them, and reject differences, (racism, sexism, religious bigotry) we share the liberal point of view in that we are much more interested in the differences between different kinds of people, and this is reflected in the wide range of diversity and depth of character of the circle of people we are friends with.

It is disappointing so many people take comfort in being the same. I see this the worst with high school cheerleader style girls, or girls that try to mimic them. There are 3 girls I personally end up running into at least once a week lately which remind me of guests at my cousins grad party (cousins a cheerleader/competitive dancer). These girls may as well be just 1 single personality of ‘blond simple girl who flirts with everyone and wears short pants.’ As each individual person, they just aren’t that… interesting. They can only function as a group and… yeah all of you know this sort of person. There is no use in beating a dead horse.

Anyway, this all is an explanation for why I find Pride so interesting. You see, I am straight. 100% straight, no attraction to men period, no question about it. Which is what makes the whole GLBT community so interesting. Its alien. Its unknown. The majority of my exposure to the GLBT world has been through a limited window of GLBT entertainment when Tyler is playing QAF, a trip to the gay 90’s, some irritating guys at parties, and knowing the 5 or so gay friends I know, which rarely assert or discuss their gay side, with the exception of murd0c.

So, the assumption I had was that the entire event was going to be rigged to assault my senses and make me feel uncomfortable around rampaging homosexuality. And while there was defiantly people acting out, the majority of the event was oriented twoards the GLBT lifestyle rather than the sexual aspect.

Take, for example, I never realized the event would be so pet friendly. I was told to bring Nickel, and she had a blast. Of course, the realization is that a Gay couple has alot more difficulty bringing children into the family, so naturally pets are a substitute for kids. As a result, there was probably at least 20 vendors strictly just for dog related products. Random vendors like banks had dog bones to hand out. There was water bowls for pets everywhere. Other booths were touting various political parties, church organizations (and lack of church, with atheism), college campuses, and ect. But don’t you dissapointed people fret! There was still a light minority of people in shocking gay attire to tell a few stories, and I did get a decent collection of free stuff like chapstick and glow in the dark condoms (even though they will collect dust for a bit as I am single ).

In general, life moves on, day by day. It gets kind of repetitive and bland after awhile of not much new happening. I make up for that by meddling in peoples lives all day long with the help of my good buddy facebook while I work. I mentioned this monotonousness to Catherine the other day, which paid me one of the best compliments on my character I have heard in awhile:

my life involves people i interact with Brian Hanson @ 12:54
its pretty meaningless without that 12:54
i go to work and cant stand the bills, the end 12:54

that is not true! You have a fascinating life, without having to talk about other people. You are one of the absolute smartest people I have ever met. You are extremely loyal, and helpful. You have a permanent sparkle in your eye and life life by the seat of your pants as much as you can. You landed a job at the coolest place ever, know lots of random facts and can start a conversation with the hardest person to talk with. You make people feel better about themselves, you are honest, you believe in good things and stand up for good things. You dont take anything at face value. clchenoweth08 @ 12:57
That is just the beginning of all the amazing things about YOU that you can share with people 12:57

Yeah, so Catherine’s the shit. Chewy (itwithrun) defiantly has something special, being married to her.

The rest of the weekend which was not Pride was overall just pretty average. Upon attempting to return some clothes and crap that belong to Katy that have been forgotten and pushed into the corner for a few months, I found out she moved to Wisconsin Dells. Now, what do I do with all this stuff sitting around? I apparently can’t bring it to her parents house, because she “Hasn’t told her parents” she eloped (chewy requested clarification: The run away with a guy definition of elope, not the getting married without anyone knowing definition). Whatever. Not my problem anymore

My parents are babysitting a really young Siberian Husky Puppy, which is extra cute, at the moment. Which is great, because, well girls love cute things and I like showing them off, which I did to Carrie after we went to pride. I’ve known Carrie for a little while now through Clay, and well shes a really cool person to hang out with. The problem is her work schedule is pretty erratic, so hanging out with her almost has to be calculated and planned, rather than just spontaneous, which I specialize in.

Ok, theres more tiny details to write about concerning my Uncle moving to Florida, some drama, me patiently awaiting the restoration of natural gas and cellphone service, a birthday party with perfect weather, an oldschool xbox/halo party, news of life from Joe Blo land, upcoming July 4th party as well as the Defcon/Vegas trip at the end of July, and a new extremely gay way of getting intoxicated, but this is already long enough and its time for bed. Next time

Life has been going pretty good. For the last 2 weeks I have been hanging out with a few new girls, and life has been quite a bit more enjoyable.

This last Saturday, kissmyapocalyps’s mom was married, and after the reception, she held a party at a hotel with a Jaccuzi Suite. It was freaking awesome. As a single guy, I will shamelessly say I enjoy the company of drunk girls in a jacuzzi. Josh and I also set out to make Banana Dacheris, mostly due to our recent binging of Doctor Who.

Being single is the shit.

Speaking of relationships, people will at the very least be interested to know, that Katy and I could not salvage a friendship. Living with her for as long as I have, I know how she makes decisions and how she spends her days, and I am exceptionally good at spotting lying, which she has been doing way too much to me lately, which sabotaged the friendship.

Which brings me to the topic of liars. Rant mode on!

I figure that all a man has is his word, and because of that I always am thinking about honesty and truth, and have told myself that I will never lie to anyone about anything except figures of authority. I figure being a good person is only ever doing things you won’t have to lie about.

This bothers me because I know way too many people who tout lies. I’m not retarded, I know when people are doing it. Josh’s brother for stealing the drinks at a party a few weeks ago, Johnny for lying about stealing a camera last year, Jackie for alot of really strange bs this last month, Ryan for lying to someones face about something which can easily be contradicted, David, for telling every person a different rendition of the same events which puts doubt into my head as to his honesty and motivation for events, and Katy, for alot of reasons, but mostly for delivering really horribly constructed excuses for ditching plans when she doesn’t need too. Hate lying for the sake of lying.

All of these people and everyone like them, you suck at lying. Just should let you know. People aren’t stupid. You especially won’t get away at it with me, because I have made a hobby of deep understanding of the technicalities of how people lie (social engineering is a element of computer hacking). I am also someone alot of people talk about and confide things in, so I usually get multiple viewpoints of the same story. You can tell who out there is a liar, if two of my friends said that a third person gave two different accounts of the same event, that third person’s integrity is called into question.

Furthermore, I just know alot of things about people. And I’m really, really good at using computers. No matter how much you mask yourselves through ‘facebook’ security, I still am very clever. Maybe I’ve made another profile you don’t realize can still browse you. Maybe I am someone on craigslist. If you can’t see the other person, how do you know who you’re talking too? The saving grace is I am usually too lazy to be a creepy internet stalker hacker. Plus, intruding into someones privacy is pretty immoral, and also just isn’t that fun. Just saying I have the skills, and if I have the motivation, I can find out all kinds of stuff. So god help future girlfriends that cheat on me.

In general, I trust my inner friends. I push out friends I don’t trust. They aren’t going to know about my life anymore. I don’t understand people’s tendancy to lie in general. Seriously, you can get by just fine in life only doing things you wouldn’t have to lie about. Rant mode off.

As I sometimes am and quite consistently hang out with stoners, I feel this should be a guide to awesome fucking snacks to eat while baked.

When you are in your own personal nirvana, it is rare that you have the motivation to cook something delicious. With that being said, a notable mention for cooking while baked is:

- Brian’s Spanish Rice. Put a cup of rice in a rice cooker, brown a pound of beef, mix the beef with a can of tommato sauce, chili or kidney beans, taco seasoning, 1 cut onion (preferably cooked with while browning the beef) and if you have them jalapeno peppers and/or chopped tommatoes. Cook your meatbeantaco sauce and mix with the rice, then serve topped with cheddar cheese and top of the tater (or just sour cream and green onions).

This is like an orgasm in your mouth of everything awesome. Not that hard to prepare.

Other honorable mentions:
- Pringles
- Combos
- Hamburger Helper
- Banquet frozen dinners

Ok, without further ado:

Pop Tarts

Quote holytaco:

For most of us, Pop Tarts are the foundation of our understanding of what a pastry is. You can pop them in the toaster for a simultaneously crispy and gooey treat, or you can eat them raw, right out of the thin aluminum wrapper, just like the astronauts eat! The extensive variety of Pop Tart flavors can appeal to nearly any taste, whether it be the traditional Cherry, S’mores-flavored, or even the brown sugar ones with the diahrrea-colored frosting. They also come in two-packs, and there’s nothing better when you’re high than suddenly remembering you actually have twice as much food as you thought you did.

The Super-Special Recipe: For a real flavor kick, try toasting a couple of Pop Tarts, and then spreading butter on them while they’re piping hot. The butter will melt into the frosting and create an unfathomable concoction of goodness.

Holiday Gas Station Ghetto Nachos

When you are stoned, you forgive most things that don’t make sense to eat in favor of trying new taste bud stimulating experiences. Twoards that end, one day I bought a bag of these chips, and filled it with a ton of condiments from the deli area. Salsa, hot sauce, jalapenos, onions, free cheese and chilli intended for other more expensive nacho chips… put it all in the bag and grab a fork and you have a walking taco for only about 99 cents.

Meet the McBurger

Also known as the McGangbang.

Do you like greasy mcdonalds double cheese burgers? Do you like mcchickens? Why don’t you put them together? Its not like you’re thinking about your diet when you just consumed a gravity bong full of THC.

I recommend adding mac sauce.

Taco Bell Taco Burrito

Picture pending.

If you stop by your local grocer, you could pick up some large taco shells intended for burritos. Inside those burrito shells, you can pack it with anything, and its like a tex mex caserole. Have some soft shell chicken tacos? Some nachos? Maybe a crunchwrap or something? Mash it all into a giant *ucking burrito shell and eat them all at once.

Little Ceasars Crazy Bread

Does it get much better than this? Crazy bread is really just a medium pizza crust cut into pieces, then covered in garlic butter and parmesan cheese. I knew the stoners when I saw them at Little Ceasers, they would come in, look at the menu for 5 minutes, then order like 5 orders of Crazy Bread. Oh wait, those were my friends. Then they invited me out to their van and we would all go herbally upgrade our crazy bread dining experience on my break. I miss working at little caesars. :-M

Anything free

You’re a stoner, you don’t have discriminating taste. As long as it is salty you will eat the shit out of it. Towards that end, you need to figure out how to get some free food.

The United Phone Losers has something to say on free snacks:

This will work for almost anything sealed for freshness. I’ll use a bag of potato chips as an example. On average a bag of chips costs about $2.50 unless you get the store brand and those taste like shit. My solution is to get two bags for the price of one. All bag snacks and crackers have freshness dates on them. They also have phone numbers and addresses for customer complaints. This has never failed me yet because I rotate companies so they don’t catch on. What you do is either call or write the company and tell them your snacks were stale, soggy, or had some other defect. (Actually, those are the only two I use) They’ll ask for the freshness date, product number and all that shit. If you write, there are instructions on the package on what to send in. Try to get a package that’s close to the expiration date to make it seem more realistic. I find it’s better to write so you don’t have to deal with an operator. They aren’t the brightest people and most are rude snotty bitches that think you’re trying to scam them (you are) and get free chips. I don’t like dealing with people unless absolutely necessary. There’s less chance of human error that way. About two weeks after you’ve registered your complaint you get a nice ass-kissing letter begging you to forgive them and still buy their product. They’ll also send you a coupon for a free bag of chips (or whatever product you wrote about). You’ve now gotten two bags of chips for the price of one. You can also ask your friends to save their empty snack bags for you (before they read this) and have coupons sent for those product numbers. Try to have more than one mailing address, so you can get more freebies. I won’t name names, but a company that rhymes with burrito gay sends 2 or 3 coupons for a free bag of anything they make, per letter. This trick has also netted me a lot of free macaroni & cheese and hamburger/chicken/tuna helper.