There are certain things I hate suddenly being aware of. The kind of thing that while consciously you are aware of, the only way to cure the problem is to try your best to not think about it. But trying to not think of it makes you that much more aware of it.

- Yawning. Aren’t you sleepy? Yawwwwwnnnnn. you know you wanna try it, it feels good.
- But now you aren’t breathing, because you are yawning! You are now consciously aware of your breathing. The only way to not be aware of it is to forget about it to make it go back to a passive process.
- The game
- That food I’m eating is in fact a chicken. That food I am eating is what used to be a clucking animal with feathers and a circulatory system. you are now eating muscle. Like some kind of savage. (I can barely eat meat when I know what it in fact is)
- Free will is just a convenient illusion and doesn’t exist. You’re in fact just a machine, and at the mercy of the experiences you have been delt so far. Your soul doesn’t have any impact on the body beyond your body wondering what happens to its passenger (the soul) when it passes. Everything in life is predetermined at the start of the universe and there is no such thing as free will. Everything you are doing you have no choice in the matter, you will do it, and the resulting decision will happen given the same initial state after enough thought has gone through your head on the matter. The decision is built out of past experiences, health and genetics and nothing else.
- I will die one day. The second I just experienced is irrecoverable. What I am experiencing right now I will ultimately forget, if not immediately, maybe tomorrow, next year, next decade, or when I am dead.
- Which culminates in: nothing is permanent.

All of these suck to realize. But when I sum it all up, I conclude that what matters most is having as many experiences as possible right now, and not worrying too much about the small stuff.

I’m glad I exist. It’s a crappy reality, but I’m glad by some bizarre accident I exist.